If you read my post yesterday, you know I was upset and crying.  Mostly because I still don’t know what in hell is wrong with me, and because during a routine test the doctor found some not-so-good things.

Today, I have a different attitude altogether.

Many of you who read my blog are friends of mine since high school.  You know that, back then, I was often in detention, once suspended (for saying the word “shit” in a speech at school), and more than a few times called into the principal’s office to argue politics (he thought of it as, “disciplinary action”; I thought of it as, “arguing with the fascist administration that runs my school”).  I was a hellraiser, no doubt about it.

Not so unusual these days, I guess, but when I was raising a stink about things, it was 1970.

I was a sarcastic, mouthy, sometimes foul-mouthed little thing who looked at the world in terms of capitalism vs everyone else.   To my friends, I was a source of amusement and a ‘nice, sweet girl’.

Hey, we’re all mutidimensional beings, yeah?

And, in some ways, I haven’t really changed much.

I have dialed down the sarcasm, a lot.  Sarasm can be terribly passive-aggressive, and in a few cases has gotten me in more trouble than it’s worth.  Like, “Ah’m gonna beat yo’ ass” kind of trouble.  That’s a southern accent, in case you’re wondering.

I am not really foul-mouthed, or I try really hard not to be.  I realize I called the anesthesiologist a “bitch” in my post yesterday, but I didn’t call her that to her face (but to be fair, it was probably because I was unconscious).  And I stand by that assessment.  Bitch, and a sadist.

I can get mouthy.  I find that things irritate me at pretty much the same rate they always have, when it comes to people being treated unfairly or unkindly.  The difference is, I don’t get mouthy with people with whom I disagree – it’s just not worth the aggravation.  If all they’re doing is thinking wrong-headedly about something, well ok.

Now, if they try to impose their wrong-headedness on me or on someone they are hurting, all bets are off.  I am going to say something.  Probably not loudly, and definitely not passive-aggressively.  I will address someone straight to their face, in as calm a tone as I can manage.

Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t.  It works well in PA because people do NOT expect others to be like this.  But, to be fair, I haven’t seen a lot of Central PA folks trying to impose their wrong-headed ideas on others.  They seem to be, on the whole, live-and-let-live kind of people.  I have had 2 run-ins with people hitting me with sarcastic one-liners as they were walking by (yeah, strangers too, I have no idea why), but in general – ASIDE FROM THE HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS – people have been really nice to me.

So….anyway…I woke up today thinking about that anesthesiologist.  And I got angry.  Then I got an email from the colonoscopy folks, asking me to evaluate my experience (they are all into customer service, don’t ya know).  So, gleefully, I let them have it about the whole propofol/no lidocaine experience, told them I blogged about it, wouldn’t return AND would tell others to avoid them, and by the way was going to file a complaint against her.

Man, that felt good.  I even left my name and phone number, in case they call and I can rail against them some more.  Or find out the anesthesiologist’s name.  Hard to file a complaint if you don’t know their name.  I’ll find out eventually.

This got me thinking about Dr. Manic from State College, and another doctor (whom I have not yet blogged about) who actually made me cry during our appointment.  I made a big stink about him to his agency but I doubt it will do much good.  He is really a dickhead.

You might think, if you don’t know me, that I cry easily.  I don’t.  Well, I don’t think I do, anyway.  I think I cry when it’s normal to cry.  And when someone is putting me down, yelling at me, and/or playing head games with me – and it’s unexpected because I was there to see a professional as a patient – that’s going to make me cry.  After I get over the shock of being treated like that.

I am sick of it.

I am sick of being treated like crap because I am an ELI (extremely low income) person on Medicare/Medicaid.  And it doubly pisses me off because I am physically sick, so at a disadvantage in terms of being ready and able to defend myself.

Look at that – “defend myself”.  Why in hell should ANYONE have to be ready to defend themselves when they are going to a doctor for help or a procedure?  “Defense” shouldn’t even come into it!

No. No more.  I am currently looking to see if there are any consumer agencies in PA near me that I can join.  Because I want to cause problems for these healthcare providers and I don’t know how to do it alone.  Of course, I would guess that 90% of these agencies have a
*wink wink* “adversarial” relationship to the healthcare folks they are supposedly at odds with, so this is why I need to take awhile to find the one right for me.

Like, Minnesota has a patient advocate in every hospital there.  But they are employed by the hospital, so there are limits to how far they will go for a patient.  I know how that works, I’ve been fired enough to know.

Side note: I know that in some ways, Central PA can be really cliquish.  I learnt that when I was job-hunting last time, and when I worked at a local clinic (whose director was the sister-in-law of the business manager for the clinic, and there were other “personal connections” to the home office *wink*), and when I was subsequently fired from said clinic, and my subsequent (but few) attempts to find work in my field after that.  “Cold day in hell” I think is a good way to describe it.  Because they all know each other.

Now that the mental healthcare “community” knows me from the other side of the desk, so to speak (I have PTSD from the domestic violence and job loss), there isn’t one mental health/drug&alcohol agency that will hire me. There is that much stigma connected with a therapist actually going for help with a mental health problem. 

So I know what I am sort of up against.  That’s why I need to look at what agency I contact/volunteer for really carefully, because the last thing I want to do is waste my time and talent on an organization that’s as corrupt as the system I would like to take on.

So the search continues….and I will let you know what I come up with.

The bitch is back.

Today’s weirdness comes from the Huffington Post:

“Pizza Hut’s New Menu Supposedly Reads Your Mind…”

Apparently there is a new menu being tested in the UK for Pizza Hut, that uses eye-tracking software to make a pizza suggestion for you.

And we thought basic research had no real-world uses!  Eye-tracking was just beginning to be a hot research topic when I left the Cognitive Science Lab in 2000.  We didn’t imagine how this would impact the important world of pizza!!!

Movie recommendation, though I haven’t seen it…

“The Imitation Game”, starring the wonderful (Sherlock) Benedict Cumberbatch, Keira Knightly (Elizabeth Swann from “Pirates of the Caribbean”), and Matthew Goode (“Masterpiece Mystery: Death Comes to Pemberley” on PBS).

It’s about Alan Turing, how he cracked the Enigma Code during WWII, and how horribly he was treated because he was gay (which contributed to his suicide in 1954).  If you don’t know who Alan Turing was, go here.  If you don’t know how important his contribution was to the future discipline of cognitive science, go here.

I think this will be a good film.  Certainly the acting will be top-notch.

Until next week, or sooner as news develops….