Since I am not eating much, I figured I’d get back into iced coffee again.  It’s got way fewer calories than smoothies, and the caffeine can curb my appetite (what little appetite is left, after being grossed-out numerous times per day).  So, I poured water into my Keurig Mini, popped a k-cup in, and…

….Nothing.  Not even the flashing button you’re supposed to push to turn it blue.

So I tried another outlet.  Still nothing.  The Keurig Mini is dead!!

Now, I contacted Keurig a few months ago, asking them how to get my machine back to them, as they were recalling them for spewing super-hot water over consumers during the brewing process.  Mine didn’t spew, but it did leak.

I called Keurig.  After a very long period of “not-Sinead-O’Connor” music filling my ears, I got a rep who took my information and assured me someone would be calling me back.

I never heard back.  Called them twice after that first time  – the second time, I asked for a supervisor (which I hate to do, having worked in call centers and knowing how this can possibly come back on a rep for not handling the call him/herself).

I was told the supervisors were busy.  I didn’t press the point because this is call-center-speak for “If I get a supervisor, I will get written up and maybe lose my crappy job that I really need”.

I called again, and was “accidentally hung up” on.  I wasn’t upset, the person hung up probably after reading the notes and didn’t want the hassle of being caught between a customer and a supervisor.

Ok so then I emailed.  I got a boilerplate email referring me to the FAQ section of their website, regarding the care of the Mini.  Nothing about recalls or returns.

I emailed again, stating my case as clearly as I possibly could, without even being a bitch about it.

I never heard back.  That was a few months ago.

Yesterday, I emailed them and asked what I was supposed to do now, as they had previously ignored my other attempts to contact them regarding the recall, and now my MIni was dead.

I got a boilerplate email back, referring me to the FAQs about care of the MIni.  Arrgghhh!

I fired off another email, this one not very nice.  Telling them they ignored me about the recall, didn’t even read my last email apparently, and that it would be a cold day in hell before I would ever buy another Keurig.  Oh and that I will blog about this, too!

Aside #6: They don’t know if I have 10 readers, or 10 million readers, now, do they?  For all they know, I could appear on some cable news show with the caption “Customer Claims Keurig Caused 3rd-Degree Burns, Won’t Honor Recall”.

I am still waiting to hear back.  The Mini is sitting in my cupboard, still full of water because their stupid design makes it so you can never empty it.  That was something I did check the FAQs for, and it’s true – you can’t empty these suckers without running a brew cycle.

I am currently using the $10 plastic Mr. Coffee knock-off that I got from the shelter when I moved in here.  It makes better coffee, actually, so I’m not upset.  I bought the Keurig with gift cards I had saved up, so it’s not like it cost me anything (only in terms of time, it took me almost a year to save up).  I bought it because, even though my knock-off makes better coffee, it still doesn’t taste very good.

So now I am on the hunt for another coffeemaker.  I know in my heart that I can’t find one that will make the coffee tastes like it came from Starbuck’s.   Maybe something that makes coffee that tastes somewhere between “plastic aftertaste” and “unremarkable, stale Keurig” is more doable.

Since this will inevitably involve another round of saving gift cards (or using the Target ones I had been saving for a TV), i am open to suggestions.

I could stop drinking coffee altogether, save for my once-a-month trip to Barnes and Noble (they have a Starbuck’s – which, infuriatingly, does not take Starbuck’s gift cards!!), which is down the street from the grocery store where I do my once-a-month food shopping.

I could, but I don’t want to.  Iced coffee is a staple of mine in the summer, and it’s costly to buy it in lieu of making it yourself.  Even Sheetz, a gas station chain here that does an insanely tasty iced latte, costs more than I can afford to buy regularly (though it would be a great incentive to ride Coco to, as it’s about a mile away).

I know, coffee should not occupy my thoughts so thoroughly as it is doing so today.  And I have cut down so that I don’t even get a headache if I don’t drink it.  I don’t need coffee.  It’s just one of the few things in life I would prefer not to give up.

And, I admit it, I am sort of a coffee snob.  After having my plasticky-tasting iced coffee today, I probably won’t use knock-off coffeemaker again, as I would rather just not drink coffee than drink this stuff.  The Keurig was barely acceptable.

But not acceptable enough for me to buy another Keurig, of any model.

The “very tired eyes” part?

Lack of sleep, due to fruit flies terrorizing me.

Lack of energy, due to lack of sleep and lack of decent coffee.

Not a good week, and it’s only Wednesday!!

Today’s weirdness isn’t really all that weird.  It’s an article about a 77 year old man named Vladislav “Sam” Samsonov who was forced out of his toll-booth job because he broke the rules one too many times.  His lawlessness?

He broke the rules by putting $5.50 into the cash register from his pocket after he realized he missed a trailer being pulled by a vehicle and wanted his register to balance with the axel counts and was caught on tape putting money from his pocket into the register,” a woman named Patricia Samsonov Gillis, who identified herself as Sam’s daughter, wrote on Facebook. (“Florida Toll Collector, 77, Reportedly Fired for Paying Driver’s Fee”, USA Today website, no author cited, 7/20/2015)

Also, he often handed out lollipops and dog treats to customers!  The nerve of that guy!

There is an IndieGoGo site that is trying to raise funds for Sam so that he can go on a holiday, now that he is retired.  Apparently he doesn’t need the money, but it’s just a nice gesture in appreciation of a criminal nice guy.

My recommendations this week are, again, for free apps (someone’s just discovered the delights of the GooglePlay store!):

1.  The Food Network in the Kitchen app – This is what it sounds like, an app with recipes from Food Network chefs.  One of its features is it allows you to do a search for ingredients, and then it populates recipes using them.  It also has a recipe file, where you can even edit the recipes you find to suit your tastes.  You can download it for iPhone and iPad here.

Aside # 7: One of my favorite chefs from Food Network is Ree Drummond, vegetarian-turned-cattle-rancher’s-wife, aka The Pioneer Woman.  Aside from the cattle ranch part, this woman is living what was basically my dream as a little girl – married, with nice kids, living in a rural area, with a comfortable life.

Heck, if I wasn’t so old, it would still be a dream of mine (I would have the “lets-go-out-to-the-country-to-grandma’s-house” thing going).  But, that ship sailed long, long ago, unless one of y’all knows a nice old single dude – with a ranch or reasonable facsimile thereof – you’d like to fix me up with.

2.   The Ibotta app – This takes a little getting used to, but basically what you do is you download the app, check out your local stores (great for grocery shopping), buy stuff on the list (it even has generic things we all buy, like milk, eggs, bread, and cheese), scan in your receipt and get money in your PayPal account.  It’s not a lot of money, but if you are on a tight budget, it can help.  Download it for iPhone and iPad here.

And…funny quote of the week, from Reddit: “New Horizons traveled 3 billion miles to Pluto before Tool was able to complete a new album.”  Subsequent discussion also amusing, if you’re a Tool fan (and I am 🙂 )

Be good.  Be kind.  Please send in coffeemaker suggestions!!