Category Archives: Uncategorized

More Bitching, Celtic Witching…and Ellen DeGeneres

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In that order.  Skip down to the next page if you only want to read the “witching” and “Ellen” parts.

I was recently in Memphis, visiting my son and daughter-in-law, and the subject of social media and Facebook came up in conversation.  Despite the fact that both of them are tech-savvy (his job is doing computer administration stuff), they do not “do Facebook”.

The reason is simple: what you put online never, ever goes away.  They are private people and they don’t like the thought of their personal lives being on the internet for all to see.

Even programs where the developers state you can “erase” things – “Snapchat” comes to mind, for example – it’s never really erased.  It can be buried in your device, perhaps, but if someone really wants it they can get it.

No program makes it impossible, too, for someone to just copy what you write and post, meaning it can be out there in cyberspace, in perpetuity.

Ok, so I understand and respect their position.  Which is why my Facebook page has NO pictures of either of them, or their dogs, nor will it have, ever.

We also discussed the more vacuous things that are found on Facebook – pictures of peoples’ meals, of everything they bought that day, of every party they attended and of everyone they ever knew.

Then there are the one or two-line homilies about the nature of life and so on.  Most of those are banal.

My posts often come under fire for “being negative”, as discussed in the last blog post.  So I decided that, on my way back from Memphis, I would only post trivial and positive things.

The first post was when I was in the Memphis airport at 5 AM, waiting for my flight to board.  I commented on how nice the airport is, with its redesign and blues music on the loudspeaker.

Then I posted from Pittsburgh, stating I was waiting for the final leg of my flight to board, drinking a latte and playing “Words with Friends” with a friend (who was also on Facebook).

Finally, I posted when I got home, stating my cats were upset (I should have included a cute picture, my bad) but that the flight – in a 6-seater, one-prop plane – was terrific.

Ugh.  Who in hell cares??

To me, it was all inconsequential stuff that happens in my life, and in everyone else’s life, too.

I rarely even think about stuff like that, or if I do it’s only for a minute or so.

My head is filled with “what can I do to make the world better?” and “how can this experience/thing I saw illustrate the point that people need to be kind” and “how do I frame this struggle with illness/disability so that it can educate others?”

I don’t care – and I suspect you probably don’t, either – what flavor my latte is, aside from what to order at the coffeehouse counter.  Unless I work for the coffeehouse, what possible reason could I have to take a picture of it and post it on Facebook?

The Memphis airport plays blues music.  Big deal.  Unless it plays music recorded by one of my friends, and I can use Facebook to promote that, why post about it?

Who cares who I play “Words with Friends” with?  Or that I had a nice flight?  Why should I waste my time, and yours, writing about things like that?

Yet this seems to be what the majority of people on Facebook do, every day all day.

Not everyone has to post earth-shattering news/opinions and so on, that’s not my point.  But it’s like there is no filter on what they post, or even priorities.

A picture of someone’s lunch has the same weight for them as their snippet about their deity or their philosophy of life.

There’s something really disturbing about that.  Disturbingly shallow.

Aside #1: I do have friends who post pics of meals for other reasons, such as they created something for their elderly mother – and I like posts like that.  Because they carry meaning about life, and relationships.  Same goes for posts about their new cars, and new houses, and other good things that come their way – I like to know my friends are doing well.

But I cannot post meaningless trivia about my life – it seems so self-indulgent, and it assumes people want to know every dumb little thing I do all day.  And, hey, unless someone is a stalker, I cannot imagine why they would want to know all that.

I suppose I could just give up posting on Facebook entirely, and I actually have considered that. Still might.  I find it rude when people write me to advise me to “stop being negative”, or go so far as to post those banners or whatever-you-call-them with sayings about how messed-up negative people are…on my timeline, really?

I could just “unfriend” those people.  I haven’t decided what I want to do yet.  But, again, this feels exclusionary to me.  After all the “cliques” I’ve been tossed out of, from high school onwards, all the jobs I have lost due to my opinions, now I’m being pushed out of Facebook for not conforming?

Really?  Not even by the actual Facebook admins, but by people I know socially?

Ok, rant over.

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Relativism and Bestowing Kindness

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I posted a rant on Facebook today.  It was a bit different from other angry posts I have written in the space that asks, “What’s on your mind?”

Because this one was directed very specifically at a few people I had, at one time, considered friends.

Oh, not just Facebook friends – nearly all of them are/were friends “in real life”.  From high school, and from former workplaces, these are people that I may have had what I would have considered “minor ideological disagreements” with, but whom I generally considered to be kind and decent people.

But, in keeping with this particularly “grinchy” holiday season, some decided to repost some pretty vitriolic and/or holier-than-thou passive-aggressive treatises this week.

The essays are formulaic in that they usually have a big picture on top of the text that spouts some directive such as “like and pass this on if you agree!”  Then the text that follows is often what apparently the writer thinks is a brilliant and original set of thoughts strung together but which is actually a mishmash of right-wing platitudes.

The tone of the treatise is always smug, a kind of “oh we poor, beleaguered, hard-working property owners who are being oppressed at every turn by filthy ignorants wanting equal rights and basic essentials like food and housing” textual equivalent of wailing and tearing their hair out.

Sometimes they throw veterans in the mix, as if public assistance agencies deliberately cross-check with the VA in order to steal benefits from one to give to the other.  It goes something like this: “People who have NEVER worked a DAY in their LIVES get housing and food and free utilities and free Obamaphones and free healthcare while OUR VETERANS who RISKED THEIR LIVES to KEEP YOU FREE are homeless, starving, cold, phone-less, and waiting MONTHS for a doctor’s appointment…”

I don’t know what kind of mind thinks these things up, but it takes a special kind of craftiness to twist “facts” like this.  The “fact” is, although both types of agencies are funded by public money, they have their own budgets, and their own advocates in Congress and elsewhere who lobby for funding.

“Welfare” and the VA are entities that endeavor to assist people with all kinds of issues – and that’s where the similarity ends.  They have nothing else in common, and do not share resources or funding.

But it’s important for extremely conservative people (and I use that word “people” in the broadest sense) to set up false equivalents like this because they can’t gain much support by saying:

We don’t like poor people because sometimes they smell, are often mentally ill, sometimes are disabled in ways that make us uncomfortable, don’t dress nice/appropriately, don’t fit in the middle-class life script of stable family-college-steady job-retirement, aren’t the same culturally as we are, don’t go to our church or any church for that matter, and generally make us not want to be around them or even think about them.

So it must be their fault, because WE did everything right in our lives and we’re just fine.  Why should WE pay to support people who messed up their lives?  Oh, except veterans, because…imperialism/oil/we-hate-Muslims.  And “I support the troops” is the mandatory addition to any statement criticizing US foreign policy, especially if it involves killing.  Have to make that clear – after all, we don’t want to be seen as traitors for questioning our military!

It’s quite apparent to anyone with basic intelligence that right-wing people in all classes hate the poor.  Even some right-wing poor people hate the poor!  If they had their way, which thankfully they do not (yet), everyone would be made to conform to their way of living or be locked up or given no help at all so they could just starve/freeze to death.

And, despite the zillions of times people point out the statistics that state our most vulnerable populations are children, the elderly, and the disabled, right-wingers persistently try to assert that most people getting public assistance are able-bodied young people who can work but won’t.

The “disabled” are all faking, are mentally ill (which to right-wingers means “not ill at all, just morally bankrupt/not saved/weak”), or have substance abuse issues (which, again, to right-wingers means they “just need to stop, the weaklings”).

If people happen to be born disabled, they ought to be put in institutions where we don’t have to see them or interact with them.

To someone like these mean-spirited, rather dim-witted individuals, state institutions for special-needs people are a good use of their tax money.  Because hey, it’s all about them and their comfort level, because they are so physically, morally, and mentally perfect – kind of like Aryans or something.

And Jesus loves them, don’t you know.  The Bible tells them so!  Some Bible that I guess I never studied, because in the ones I read, Jesus hung out with lepers and other “undesirables”, the same kinds of people right-wing Christians want to kill/imprison/hide away in institutions.  He even touched them and stuff!

So, the relativism the title of this post refers to?  I’m getting to that now.

I have read several things on the internet (comments and articles), and have had people state to my face that the people who speak about the poor in the disgusting and cruel manner they do “are unhappy people who aren’t aware of how hateful they’re being.”

Those people, it is asserted, deserve my kindness too.

No, they don’t.

First of all, I think they are fully aware of what they’re saying, because they say it loud and they say it often.  They can quote Faux News fake statistics to back-up their boneheaded opinions.

I do not have a poker face.  Never did, never will. So unless I am, for some reason, wearing a Halloween mask when people say these horrid things to me, they are more than aware of the reaction they have elicited.

Additionally, they often whisper or speak in low tones when they say hateful things.  That indicates they are aware that other people, in general,  would disapprove of their ideas.

Since this is hardly Seattle, and they are unlikely to be confronted about their ideas by anyone except me or perhaps Nancy Downstairs (who doesn’t suffer mean fools either), this tells me they know their ideas are unacceptable by social norms.

Know = awareness.

Next reason?  Oh yeah, they’re unhappy souls.

So?

I don’t care if they’re unhappy that their mortgage rate is too high, or that they have to pay $400/month in Medicare because they make over $200,000/year (look it up, that’s the rate), or that they hate having to choose between buying an $800 iPhone and buying a new purse – when “poor people” can get free Obamaphones!!!

“Obamaphone”: a basic cell phone (Kyocera Jax is an example of one – I know because I had one) that does nothing but call and text.  You get 350 minutes of call-time free, which isn’t a lot if you are disabled and have a lot of doctor’s appointments, or are looking for a job, etc.  You get unlimited text messages.  

It’s not an expensive smartphone.  That’s a flat-out lie.  Here is the site for it: Safelink.  They have income guidelines – you can’t just get one because you want one.

The point is, I don’t care if they’re unhappy.  They need to shut up.

To these unhappy folks I say:

Either deal with your “terrible” situation, or don’t.  But it’s not poor peoples’ faults your car payment is too high.

Yes, I guess you could reason that it is poor peoples’ faults because you have to pay taxes, and some of that money goes to social services.  And so you put down less money on your car, so consequently have higher car payments than you’d like.

Heck it can’t be the car manufacturer’s fault for the high car prices, right? (“It’s the unions,” I hear you muttering)

Or the banks, for high interest rates?

Hey, Mr and Mrs Fox News, guess what?  Many people who get food stamps or other assistance do so because their jobs don’t pay them a decent wage – the kind of wage you get.

You go look up the minimum wage and tell me how you would be able to have a house or even just a car on that amount of money.

Go on, I’ll wait.  *whistles tunelessly*

Yeah, you either didn’t do it, or you did and now you know that you cannot afford those luxurious groceries on minimum wage.   Why, produce alone will run you $50 just buying apples, onions, potatoes, basic stuff.

So maybe you don’t care – you earn a decent living, screw all those losers who work at McDonald’s and Walmart…

Ok, so let’s cut out taxes for social services.  You’ll need to pay more for police, prisons, and military because we po’ folk aren’t just going to quietly starve to death or die from health problems in our shabby apartments, we’ll be hobbling out in the streets long before it gets to that point.

We’re uppity that way.  And some of us, you just can’t kick us enough to keep us down.

Hey, when you become disabled, we’ll help you, too.  Even though you’re an asshole who probably doesn’t deserve it.  Because we think things like food, shelter, and healthcare are things everyone ought to have.

We’re not mean and nasty like you.

No, I am not going to be kind and understanding to people who have many things to be thankful for in their lives – comparatively speaking – but who are hateful in word and deed to the poor and disabled.

They don’t need kindness and understanding – they need a good dose of reality.

They need to – just once – imagine themselves in another person’s situation.  How would it feel to push a shopping cart in the streets in the middle of winter, that contained every possession you own?

Why would someone do that?  What would they be thinking and feeling?  Would they be cold? Hungry?  Depressed?  Ashamed and hurt when people give them dirty looks?

No, don’t anyone dare lecture me that I am being unkind to people who look down on people less fortunate.  My priorities are straight, thanks very much.

I am thoroughly disappointed in these so-called “friends” and their hateful posts.  Besides the disgustingly callous aspect, it’s disappointing in that they are in “monkey-see-monkey-do” mode.

Donald Trump and other Republicans can trash the poor, the disabled, the “other”, so it must be ok for them to do so too, right?

So in addition to these “friends” being morally bankrupt hypocrites, they also haven’t a brain between them that they can use to think original thoughts.

They just have unhappy lives/marriages/not enough material possessions so they’re going to take that out on the first downtrodden person they encounter – but probably not to their face.

No, they repost it on Facebook where no one can confront them or, if they do confront them, they can rally their other cowardly right-wing, pseudoChristian, xenophobic, racist, sexist, entitled, smug, holier-than-thou jingoistic Facebook warrior friends to come to their defense.

There.  I feel oh so much better!

Weirdness of the week comes from last night’s Republican debate.  Ben Carson, narcissist extraordinaire, when asked about how he felt about carpet-bombing that resulted in the deaths of children and other innocents, first replied, “Yes”, then said this, referring to children he has had to operate on (this maniac is a surgeon):

“I say to them, ‘we’re going to have to open your head up and take out this tumor’, they’re not happy about it, believe me. And they don’t like me very much at that point, but later on, they love me.” (“Watch Ben Carson Debate Weirdness: I Told Kids ‘We’re Going to Have to Open Your Head Up’ [VIDEO]”, Oliver Willis, Addicting Info Website, 12/16/2015)

Yeah, populations we bomb and kill eventually learn to love us for doing that.  And this man wants to be president??

Recommendation for the week: Go out and look at holiday lights in your neighborhood or elsewhere.  They can have a soothing effect, especially when you’re driving around.  I would love to do an experiment sometime on the physical effects of lights like that, and how that influences mood.  Hmmm, a dissertation idea!

Be good.  Be kind – but not to petty-minded, mean people.  It does no good and will only sadden you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, I Wasn’t Blaming Christians…

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Sigh.  I should have known better.

I got some heat yesterday for my post about the San Bernardino shootings, from Christians.

So now I feel as if I have to explain my comments, because it wasn’t my intent to upset people who have a belief system that is different from mine.

I made the comment that it pissed me off to see pictures of the survivors of the shootings standing outside the building where it happened, holding hands and praying.

YES, they have every right to do that, public building notwithstanding.  Though, technically…

Perhaps my complaint ought to rest with the press, who took the picture.  I really don’t know.

It could have ended badly for those people if Christians – or non-Muslims – were the targets. I’m pretty sure they didn’t consider that, as at that time not much was known about what happened or why.

My reaction to it was based on the continuing, nearly constant public displays of people asserting their right to pray everywhere – at least in Central PA (and they do that in Memphis, too, where I moved here from).

Also, there are the constant comments online and in the media from Muslims asserting their rights to believe as they wish, always with the caveat that terrorists “aren’t them, it’s the other guys”.   CAIR comes to mind, for example.  They can always be counted upon to deny that anyone “bad” is connected in any way to Islamic extremism.

I am not commenting on CAIR’s funding or anything else the right-wing crazies accuse them of – I am basing my comments strictly on what CAIR says publicly, in press conferences.

Basically, my message was this:  I am tired of extremists of any kind.  I am tired of people stomping around and screaming about their religious views.  ANY religious views.

And lately, it’s everywhere – this “war on Christmas” silliness that gets bandied about on public transportation and the senior van (what happened to all the progressives when they got older?), on the radio, on TV, in the gift shop I volunteer in, and so on.

On the internet, it’s Islamic extremists and their anti-Semitic rhetoric on Facebook, their insistence on using the comments section of the “Times of Israel” to troll their hatred for Jews (and Christians), and their CAIR press conferences that no one seems to ever comment on unless they are batshit, Pam Geller-like crazy.

I AM SICK OF ALL OF IT.

NO, I do not blame Christians for the attack in San Bernardino.  I made my comments, just wondering, if the constant drum-beating by conservatives and fundamentalist Christians might, JUST MIGHT, have triggered something horrible in an already unstable fundamentalist of another kind.

What those two people did is on them.  Period.

Why people cannot just be who they are, without pushing it on everyone within earshot, and deal with each other as fellow human beings, is beyond me.

I realize it is in the nature of fundamentalists to convert everyone they see, or that non-believer faces some dire consequence either by some evil spirit on earth or in the afterlife.

I think I speak for most when I say this: WE ALL KNOW THERE IS A BIBLE, AND A KORAN.  WE KNOW WE CAN READ THESE BOOKS IN THE LIBRARY OR BUY THEM AT BOOKSTORES.  IF WE DO NOT BELIEVE AS YOU DO, IT’S NOT BECAUSE WE’VE NEVER HEARD OF YOUR RELIGION.

Shut up already.  That was my only message.  To everyone.  Quit trying to proselytize everyone you meet, quit making a show of your conversations with your deity (Matthew 6:5), and don’t assume everyone believes as you do.

Don’t assume that if you threaten people on Facebook, spew Islamist extremist hate anywhere on the internet, or post videos on YouTube instructing people on how to kill Jews, that people will just turn a blind eye now.  The ‘youth group’ (as I like to think of them) Anonymous has already put you on notice.

And after the San Bernardino shootings, most Americans are probably going to be a little more watchful, and a little more willing to report the potential for terrorist attacks or hate crimes now.

And, for the sake of everything sane and moral, don’t shoot/blow up/vandalize people or places where people gather who disagree with you – this includes Planned Parenthood, mosques, synagogues, and New Age stores unluckily named Isis (you know, after the goddess).

I think that just about covers everyone.  Ok?

 

 

Shooting in San Bernardino, California

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I was going to write about Syrian refugees and the difficult – if not impossible – position they find themselves in, just trying to get out of Syria.  I’ll probably publish that next week, depending on the news.

Yesterday as I left the gift shop where I volunteer, I saw a “breaking news” story on one of the televisions there.  Three Two people had entered a facility that assists developmentally-delayed people and started shooting.

14 people are dead.

There isn’t a lot of information at this point, though the shooting happened yesterday.

The latest report is that police chased an SUV into Redlands, stopped the vehicle and there was a shootout.  The man and a woman – the shooters – are dead.  A third suspect is in police custody, and not much is known about who that person is.

At least one shooter is a U.S. citizen.

The dead male shooter has been identified as Syed Reswan Farook. The dead female shooter has been identified as Tashfeen Malik.  No one is sure what her relationship to the man is, perhaps the dead man’s wife.

No one is commenting on a motive.  Initial reports indicate that one of the shooters had an argument with someone at the site of the shooting, and came back with one other person, or two other people, depending on the report, armed with AK-47s and dressed all in black.

Of course, there are the usual murmurs that it’s a terrorist attack.  NBC reports that “David Bowdich, the FBI’s assistant director in Los Angeles, said the incident was being regarded as ‘possibly terrorism’ ” (“At Least 14 Dead in California Shooting, Two Suspects Killed”, NBC website, M. Alex Johnson, Corky Seimaszko, Pete Williams, and Tom Winter, 12/2/2015, 9:49PM).

Police also found suspicious items in the building – “rudimentary explosive devices” connected to a remote control (which was found in their vehicle).  The shooters were also wearing body armor.  This apparently was a planned attack.

Some things struck me about this incident.  The first thing was, there were reports that the male shooter became angry during some kind of company function (either training or party, it’s not clear which).

I wonder if it had anything to do with the hateful, ignorant comments I hear on a daily basis about Muslims.  That doesn’t excuse the shooting, but it does kind of go a ways towards explaining it.

The second thing was, people were texting others during the attack – who does that?? – and asking for prayer.  People were seen outside, after the attack, holding hands and praying.

That pissed me off.  Sorry, but it did.  These kinds of things just serve to make whatever happened some kind of religious conflict between people and their gods.  It reduces a complicated set of circumstances to “our god will save us” and “their god is evil”.

If the Christian god was so involved in peoples’ lives, don’t you think he/she would have prevented the shooting in the first place?

When Muslims pray, do these Christians really think the prayer is re-routed to some other deity than the one they think is “all-knowing, all-present”?

What about the rest of us?  Why do we have to be stuck in the middle between fanatical Muslims and fanatical Christians?  Both groups incite and feed off one another.

Many Christians think they are entitled to force their religion on everyone, no matter where they are.  Any attempts to curb this are met with screams that they are being persecuted.

Many Muslims think they are entitled, also, to force their religion on everyone, but when they are determined to do that it is usually by violence.   Attempts to weed out the violent factions from the lesser, more mainstream followers are met with screams that they are being discriminated against.

I am sick of both groups.  Shut up already.

The rest of us don’t bother anyone.  We don’t hassle Christians for praying everywhere, and we don’t hassle Muslims for wearing hijabs.  We don’t hassle the Amish for dressing old-timey and traveling in buggies, and we don’t hassle Hassidic Jews for wearing beards and having different haircuts.

If any person does, they are usually arrested and punished in some way.  That’s as it should be.

What is the difference between, say, the Amish and fundamentalist Christians?  They both have what the rest of us might call “strict beliefs”.

The difference is, the Amish never make any attempt to convert or push their ideas on “the English” (what they call the rest of us).  They have their communities, and they follow U.S. laws and so on.  They don’t run for office or make political statements.

What on earth is the matter with these 2 religious sects – Muslims and Christians – that they cause so much destruction and heartache wherever they are?  Why is it these 2 particular religions feel that they have to get involved in politics and try to legislate their beliefs on the rest of us?

Yes, the people in these religions who do this are the fundamentalist sects.  But there seems to be no attempt made by others of their religion to tell them to knock it off, to explain to them that our country is not dictated by religious principles, and that it never will be unless they want to kill or jail sizable portions of the population.

Some people will brush this off as some kind of aberrant behavior that has nothing to do with religion.  A “workplace dispute”.  Yeah ok, but…

…we do this at our peril.  It depends on what the “workplace dispute” was about.

Was it a situation where the person had taken all he could take, hearing cracks about his culture and/or religion day in and day out?  Because, you know, anyone saying that this doesn’t happen is either very stupid or very foolish or just doesn’t want to see what’s going on.

Was it a personal situation where he just got angry about some job-related thing that happened one day?

I really doubt it, as most people do not have body armor, automatic weapons, and home-made bombs just sitting around their house for them to retrieve after some random argument.

This was planned.  So whatever “dispute” this guy had with others, it must have been pretty serious in order for him to not only do this, but to enlist the help of his wife/girlfriend to do it, too.

And they left behind a 6 month old baby.  That doesn’t sound like some random workplace dispute to me.

If we dismiss this, as we dismissed the shooting at Fort Hood in 2009 (psychiatrist enters base and starts shooting; he had contacted Al Quaeda and had become radicalized months before the shooting), as a “workplace dispute”, we’re not looking into a cause that might be preventable.

I am not sure why this seems to be such a taboo subject.  If the authorities are afraid it will increase anti-Islamic sentiment in this country by examining how this person thought and why, they’re too late.

This country is already experiencing a major anti-Islamic sentiment across the board.

I don’t think examining things is ever a bad thing.  I think it’s the only way we can understand the world.

But, of course, we just killed the two attackers, so it’s not likely we will ever know now.

And we will continue to kill attackers, because there just isn’t a decent policy in place to handle situations like these – not one that works, anyway.

This is not a good thing.  This reduces our police to combatants in a war they do not understand, battling people who may or may not have a political or religious agenda.

It will not decrease the inflammatory and disgusting language used by fundamentalist Christians, right-wing loudmouths, and now some mainstream “concerned citizens”.  And so, perhaps, the cycle continues.

If I, as a peaceful Pagan, get angry and feel intimidated by the things said on the bus by ignorant Fox News watchers, I can only imagine how someone whose beliefs are entrenched would react to people like that.  After all, they don’t even discuss Pagans.  They discuss Muslims.

And if that kind of language and pontificating upsets me to the point where I want to throw something at them, I cannot even begin to understand how upsetting it would be to a Muslim of any stripe.

I can, however, imagine how a fundamentalist Muslim who is fed up might react to it.

So, my opinion is, we ignore fundamentalists of any religion at our own risk.  Because they are not harmless.  Even if they never physically hurt anyone, they still do a great deal of damage…

…to the rest of us.

I see a big ol’ game of “let’s pretend” going on.  Let’s just ignore that there is any religious aspect to any of this, and maybe it will just go away.  Because we really do not want to offend any religious people, except for maybe Pagans and Rastas and other “weirdos” (who are usually the first ones rounded up and jailed/killed during a fascist regime).

We need to have a serious conversation in this country about what constitutes “religious freedom”, and what is just pushingpushingpushing beliefs on the community at large.

Christians are going to have to take a hard look at some of their brothers and sisters and examine how their religious views mask a more serious and hateful agenda. Or even just look at their flawed thinking where “religious freedom” is concerned.

I honestly think that a lot of Christians – or at least the ones I know – don’t realize how their constant assertion of their religion comes off to others who don’t believe as they do.  In other words, “smug”, and “self-righteous”.

A brief example would be of a woman I volunteer with.  Someone she didn’t know died in her apt building last week.  Yet this woman approached the man’s relatives as they were cleaning out the man’s apartment to ask if he had “known Jesus”.

She didn’t even know these people!  But she told me she just had to ask because she was so afraid the man had gone to hell “for not knowing our Lord”.

She didn’t see a thing wrong with that.  And therein lies the problem.

I have a friend who posts a lot on Facebook, who often makes the point that religions are the basis of conflict in the world.

I still believe the primary conflict in the world is class-based.

But he has a good point.  Religion can serve to justify some pretty horrific behavior, including wars.   And I think we as a society really need to have a few conversations about this.

Gone are the days of WWII, for example, when we could just declare that a god was on one side or another (America’s), and everyone seemed to just accept that and repeat it often.

But certainly not everyone felt or thought like that.  I’m pretty sure my parents didn’t.  Yes, they went to church but I never heard them express the idea that their god supported one side or another in war.

They kept quiet, though.  A lot of people kept quiet – they had to have done – because the popular culture at the time was in this “praise god and pass the ammunition” mode.

We keep quiet now at our peril.

We cannot reduce what happened to gun laws (or lack of), mental health issues, workplace disputes, Muslim terrorists, or lack of “values” (translation: Christian values).  We need to look at all aspects of what happened, with an objective eye, so we can figure out maybe how to prevent something like this happening again.

Knee-jerk reactions are not helpful.  We need people to analyze this with a dispassionate sensibility.

I wish, more than ever, that my dad was still alive.  He would have had an objective perspective on all this.  I really can’t think of anyone else who could even rise to the challenge.

Someone with “no dog in this fight”.

It’s a sad and scary holiday season this year.  I hope this is the last of the violence, but I won’t hold my breath.

Weirdness for this week: Sorry, even conducting a search that included Ripley’s Believe It or Not website, I got nothing.  Either I am just not in the mood, or my tolerance for “strange” has increased.

Recommendation for the week is a series on Netflix called “Miss Fisher’s Mysteries.”  It’s a continuing story about a female amateur detective in Australia, circa 1920.   Nearly everyone in it has English accents, not Australian – which, for me, is a good thing because I find Australian accents nearly as grating as Arkansas ones.  Anyway, it’s good for a look, even just for the costumes, sets, and vintage vehicles.

Be good.  Be kind.  Speak up and challenge people when they say ignorant, hateful things – no matter what their religion/political point of view is.

 

 

 

 

It’s the Most Difficult Time of the Year…

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The title of this post was inspired (sort of) by this song:

Aside #1: By the way, at the very beginning you’ll hear a few notes of Andy Williams’ signature song “Moon River”.

This song – “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” – was a song he sang on his Christmas TV specials.  I grew up watching them all, along with Bing Crosby’s Christmas TV specials (here is Bing singing a duet with David Bowie!), “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” – featuring Burl Ives (watch it here), and “A Charlie Brown Christmas” (still being shown on TV every holiday).

And then, of course, “Holiday Inn”(watch it here), “White Christmas”(here’s a clip), and “It’s a Wonderful Life” (watch it here) were just some of the movies I watched as a child.

Anyway, this time of year you really can’t go anywhere without hearing Christmas music.  So this song has been stuck in my head for a few days.

But the contrast between what one thinks Christmas should be like, and what Christmas really is like, is starting to get to me.  I’m not alone, a lot of people feel the same way.  And it’s a struggle to not let it get to you.

My first reaction is to just not go anywhere, but that’s not an option this year because I volunteer at a hospital gift shop.  I can’t just grump out at home.

I don’t have any relatives near me.  My kids are grown and one is off to England to be with her fiance’s family for Christmas soon, one is stuck in Atlanta with no time off, and the place I usually go (Memphis, to visit my son and his wife) probably isn’t an option this year.

I say “probably”, because my son was intending to send a plane ticket, but he’s been so busy I haven’t heard anything yet – and buying a ticket at this late date will be pricey.

Adding to my missing my kids are the women I work with.  Questions about what I’m doing for Christmas, and descriptions of their own family gatherings just feel like a hot poker to the gut at times.   It’s a struggle for me to keep that happy, smiling face on in situations like that.

I’m glad for them, and I truly do like seeing pictures of their grandchildren and listening to their holiday decorating ideas and recipes, but…I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt.

Aside #2:  There’s this thing about grandmas and holidays.  I know they aren’t trying to make me feel bad, but I hate seeing that look in their eyes akin to something like pity.  It’s just a thing people my age do, I guess.

My life was not supposed to be like this.

My life was supposed to be with a husband of 38 years, living near at least one of my kids and probably traveling to see the other kids – trips that my husband and I would pay for.  Enjoying retirement, or enjoying a job, or at the very least having a car with which to find a job if need be.

Christmas in a house.  A house owned, not rented.  Being the female half of the “Grandparents hosting the Christmas dinner”, with a huge table where everyone sits, a pretty tree in the window, and lots of laughter and joy.

That’s not my life.

The marriage lasted almost 20 years, when I had had enough of the drinking and cheating.  I even dragged both of us to marriage counseling, and stopped going when the “counselor” (a pastor) wanted to have a session with my then-husband and his mistress.

Yep, he really did try to set that up.  I didn’t swear at him, because you know even I do not swear at clergy, but I was pissed off and I never went back – didn’t pay him, either.

To this day I cannot imagine what his rationale was.

Right, so…that kind of blew the “til death do us part” thing, and all that “couple growing old together” business, and the Norman Rockwell-esque Christmases.

My life at Christmas-time this year is living alone, without a Christmas tree, in a small rented apartment.  Maybe putting up some lights on the porch (if I can earn another gift card with which to buy them), so Nancy Downstairs has a nice view for when she comes home or just looks out her window.

I will (hopefully soon) have DirecTV come hook me up for basic channels, so I can avoid watching Christmas specials and distract myself with other kinds of TV.  Hey, $20/month I can do, and that’s their special rate for a year.

I am the kind of person who, I freely admit, cries while watching Hallmark Christmas specials alone, so I am not going to do that.  I don’t self-inflict.  I’ll watch a Doctor Who Christmas show, probably, and “Sherlock” when the new one comes out in January.

I am struggling – there’s that word again – to maintain a balanced mood, but it’s difficult.

One way to do that, of course, is to focus on others – and as a volunteer, I do that.  I do that 4 days a week.  It’s the “down time” that gets to me.

Come next weekend, I will be out and about finishing my Christmas shopping and hopefully will get it done so I can mail all the presents to my kids and grandson.  It won’t be very much – it never is – and sometimes the postage is more than the gift but…it’s Christmas.  That’s just what you do.

I don’t really know what the point of this blog post is, except just as maybe something I will look back at someday and think, “Wow, my life is so much better than it was back then.”

I have no rational reason to think that way, but if I don’t have any hope that the future will be better…

…I don’t need to fall down that hole.  I might not be able to climb out if I do.  And I certainly don’t want to stay down there so long that I make it a permanent living space for my psyche.

Oh, and the other point of this post is to suggest, once again this year, that if you have a neighbor or someone you know is alone, do something to cheer him or her up.  You’d be surprised at how far a small, kind gesture will go.

And because part of the reason for this blog is to describe what it’s like being disabled, alone, and living under the poverty level, I can tell you that it really sucks during the holidays.  So go make it less sucky for someone, ok?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and that’s never been a huge holiday for me so it doesn’t sting quite so much to be alone.  And hey, at least I’m not a turkey!

So, I hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving and travel safely if you go.

Today’s weirdness comes from the “IFLScience” website, about scientists having discovered an island only referred to in ancient texts but never before located, called Kane:

“Researchers Discover Lost Ancient Greek Island”, Josh L. Davis, IFLScience website, 11/23/15.

Recommendation for the week?  A really strange film starring Daniel Radcliffe (yep, of Harry Potter fame) called “Horns”.  It’s about a guy who, after his girlfriend is murdered, grows horns that only he and some others can see.

It’s kind of heavy-handed on the religion at the end, but most of it is nicely done (and there are some humourous parts) and he’s a splendid actor, so well worth a look.  On Hulu and Netflix.

Be good.  Be kind.  Be safe.

 

 

 

An Extra Post Just for Blog/Website Writers

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The irony of this post is that the people I am complaining about will most likely never read it.

I’m annoyed with you, Mr or Ms “I-Wanna-Be-a-Famous ________”  (writer/artist/musician/social commentator).

I’m annoyed with you because you are so self-involved, so motivated by your dreams of fame and fortune, and so lacking in any boundaries that you routinely “like” something on my blog (usually it’s the “About” page, which of course is the shortest and easiest page to access) for the sole purpose of getting me to then read your blog and perhaps comment or follow you.

You don’t read a damn thing on this blog.  I know this because you don’t comment, or I go to your site and see page after page of people thanking you for “liking” their blog post.

Your comments to those, if you bother to write any, are always generic, such as “Thanks! Keep up the good work!”

If you bother to write anything else, it’s always because the commenter actually took the bait, read a blog post (or several) of yours, and made relevant comments.  Your response to those is always self-centered, never mentioning the other person’s blog at all.

Because you aren’t trying to generate a relationship between yourself and your readers.  You’re not trying to change the world with your philosophical leanings on things (I get a lot of “likes” from bloggers who want to be the next Dalai Lama or something).  You’re not even trying to start an exchange of ideas on a particular social problem.

No.  You just want a lot of followers.  Or you want to sell something on your site.  Or maybe both.

Now, look – I don’t “require” that anyone who reads this blog has to comment, or rate it, or “like” it.  I am thrilled to death when I find out anyone has read my blog – really read it, I mean. That’s a huge bonus for me, especially when people I don’t know read it.

So, if you’re reading posts on this blog, thank you!  I hope you enjoy them and you do not need to give me any feedback whatsoever.  This post is definitely not written with you in mind.

No, this post is aimed at people who are shallow and manipulative, and who use the “like” button as a way to lure others to their blog with the misassumption that the blog writer has actually deigned to read someone else’s blog.

Because all they care about is their “stats” – how many read their blog, how many follow them, and so on.

If you have only “liked” a page of mine on this blog you probably don’t know this, but…

…I hate it when people attempt to manipulate me.  And, as a therapist, I catch on to it pretty quickly.

I also have a very low tolerance for self-important blowhards who think that every single thought that pops into their head is worthy of a blog post.

You might think this is hypocritical, coming from someone who writes, in the words of a former friend, a “vanity blog”.

But I don’t actually write every single thing that pops into my head.  I consider long and hard before picking a topic to comment on.  And, nearly always, that topic fits into the area of “what it’s like to be poor in the US”, “how people ought to be kinder to one another”, or “don’t be a jerk when you’re interacting with people who are different from you”.

I write because I want my family and friends to understand what I think.  Some of this is for future family members to read once I have passed on.  Because I wish – so very much – that my deceased family members had written commentary on who they were, what life was like for them, and what life was like in the country in which they lived (US, Ireland, England).

My sisters, my parents, my grandparents, my great-grandparents, my friends who have passed…I wish every day that they had recorded their thoughts and feelings for the rest of us to read, even if it was just a diary.

It’s not a crazy leap of logic to think that some future generation of my family might want to read what I thought and felt.

So, Mr and Ms Self-Important Blogger/Website owner (that almost sounds like the opening for a Bud ad in the “Real Men of Genius” series, doesn’t it?)…

Um anyway, got sidetracked (loved those ads!).

Ok so look, I know you’ll do what you want anyway – if you even read this far – but I just wanted to vent and tell you that at least one person knows what a complete dick you are for using the “like” button in this manner.

To the rest of you, I hope you enjoy the Bud ad!  And again, thanks for reading my blog!

 

Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor…

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…no, on second thought, please don’t.  I am tired and poor enough for at least 2 people.

This week has been busy – I am ramping up to become more active, both in the community and just in general.

I was feeling somewhat guilty asking Nancy Downstairs for rides; even though she has never complained, or even said “no”, her schedule is so draining and I can see how tired she is.  I decided I needed to get out more on my own, without taking the senior van all the time (too expensive).

I decided to start taking the bus.

There is a bus stop at the end of my block – close enough so that, on some days, I can walk there with minimal effort.  I still need to use my cane, but that’s ok.

The bus that stops here goes to the courthouse, a small grocery store, and downtown Hollidaysburg, then heads out to Altoona – Walmart, the local shopping mall, and all the way downtown to the Transit Center (basically a large bus stop where you can transfer to other buses).  It takes about 1 1/2 hours to get from my house to the Transit Center.

It’s a relatively easy system to travel on, with one exception: Central PA has a “thing” about crosswalks.  Meaning, they don’t have many.

Drive anywhere in Altoona, in particular, and you’ll see street after street with a sign that has a pedestrian with a circle and a line across it – no crossing here.  It’s on nearly every street corner.

And, yes, I have spoken to at least 3 people who have gotten tickets for jaywalking.  The cops really don’t like to see people crossing where they aren’t supposed to.

But the thing is, it makes it really hard to ride the buses, or indeed even to walk anywhere.

A good example of this is my bank.  On Monday, instead of asking Nancy Downstairs to take me to the nearest bank, I decided to take the bus.  I realized I could take the bus to my closest bank branch in Altoona – about a 20 minute ride – but…

…I had no way of getting back.

Ok, that’s not strictly true – I could have gotten back by standing at the same bus stop at which I disembarked, then have ridden the bus further into Altoona and to the Transit Center, where I would have sat on the bus and waited for it to then head off towards Hollidaysburg.

Total trip time: about 2 hours, not including “waiting-for-the-bus-to-come” time.

And it’s all because there is no way of crossing the street (Plank Rd/Pleasant Valley Rd, for those of you who might be familiar).

So…my alternate plan was to go to the branch of my bank that actually had a crosswalk.  That took me nearly to the Transit Center anyway, but at least I managed to get off the bus, cross the street to the bank, do my business, walk a few blocks and catch the same bus on the other side of the street when it headed back – not such a long wait.

But a fairly taxing walk for someone with no lumbar disks.

By the time I got back home, I was pooped.

Yesterday, I took the bus to get my hair cut, and came home.

Total bus time (including waiting) – an hour.  Total fare – $1.50

So, not so bad.  Had I taken the senior van, the wait may have been shorter but it would have cost me $6.  Again, though, I came home very tired.

Today I decided to pick up something at the mall I had bought – why pay for shipping? – but miscalculated.   The ride to the mall was ok, but the store…that was at the opposite end of the mall and I was not having a particularly “spry” day.  That took me a very long time, and was very tiring.

I expect this to get better, though.

After all, when I lived in Dublin 15 years ago, I thought my feet were going to fall off my legs, they hurt so much from all the walking I did.

I lost 5 dress sizes in less than a year.

Of course, my back was ok then.  But I think the stamina issue is similar.  My back will probably continue to cause me issues, but I think as I walk more – I hope so, anyway – it will get easier.

I think I just need to know my limitations.

Tomorrow, I am going to the local hospital to meet the volunteer coordinator.  The Senior Companion Program has assigned me there.  My idea is to take the senior van to the hospital ($3 and half an hour), then take the bus home (.75 and almost 2 hours) – I can’t afford to volunteer, otherwise.

But I am bringing my cane, because the last thing I want to do is give the impression that I can stand for prolonged periods of time or do other things that I cannot do right now.  I hate that, but when I expressed that to Nancy Downstairs, and said, “I hate giving the impression I am disabled”, she said…

“But you are.”

And she’s right.  I am a person with a disability.  There’s nothing wrong with that, and pretending otherwise just results in misunderstandings and a lot of pain/fatigue for me.

It is not my defining characteristic, as it isn’t anyone’s defining characteristic.  This is one of those “talk the talk, walk the walk” experiences now.

I realize that 15 years is a long time ago, and having flat lumbar disks is also a factor that wasn’t in play then…but I feel as if I have to try.   Like anything in my life (my former marriage, for example), I have to give it all I’ve got before I decide to throw in the towel and give up.

Or, in this case, not exactly “give up”, but “adjust”.  There’s nothing wrong with that, as I am not one of those “you create your own reality” lunatics who think every issue in life – from health to finances to relationships – is something you can just “visualize” better and poof! so it is.

That’s kind of funny coming from a Wiccan, isn’t it?

But even I know that there is no spell that can make my disks grow back – magick just doesn’t work that way.

So, anyway…changes.  Attempts.  Adjustments.  And hopefully, a schedule at the hospital that doesn’t involve more than 3 days/week, because honestly I think that’s all I can handle right now.

Today’s weirdness comes from CBS, and it’s a story about a giant inflated jack-o-lantern that caught a gust of wind and bounced down the highway:

“Caught on Video: Arizona Drivers Dodge Giant Inflatable Pumpkin” (CBS News website, 10/30/15).   It just made me giggle.

Recommendation for this week is a 2-part movie (I guess it was originally on TV) called “The Five People You Meet in Heaven”, based on the book by Mitch Albom (“Tuesdays with Morrie”).  I liked it because it stars Jon Voight, who was terrific.  Sure, the movie is kind of sappy, with emotional music and some tired platitudes but…

…what you do affects others, sometimes (many times) in good and wonderful ways of which you are oblivious.  This is something I tried to get across to patients/clients who thought their lives were meaningless, who thought they had no impact on anyone else except in bad ways.

People underestimate how much a kind word, a smile, a small kindness can mean to another person.  I will blog more about that at some point, but it’s a mistake to discount the impact one human being can have on another.  This movie points that out.

Be good.  Be kind.  What you do really does matter.

Pumpkins, Incense, and M&Ms: The Sweet Life of Autumn

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One year ago tomorrow I started this blog.  Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, and encouraged.

I was going to have a giveaway to celebrate, but I don’t have enough readers yet to make that seem anything other than pompous and silly.  Maybe next year.

Before I get into today’s topics, I want to offer this humorous, gentle reminder from ZDogg, MD, because September is Prostate Cancer Awareness Month:

Guys, my dad had this, and they treated it until it was gone.  So, please, don’t let your ‘nads slip through your fingers (pun intended!).

In a related subject, I emailed the American Cancer Society and asked about volunteering.  I heard back from the local maven today (in a rather snooty tone, but oh well, this is Central PA after all), who sent me a PDF page explaining the office volunteer work.  Basically, filing/shredding/stuffing envelopes and so on.

That’s exactly what I was looking for.  Doing work that cannot, in any way, shape, or form, cause controversy or conflict.  Just me going into an office and doing office work.  And possibly sweeping.

I told her I wanted to do this once a week, with more hours if there was some special event/project that needed more people etc.  Hopefully, I can start soon.

I plan on riding Coco over there, since it’s just a little over half a mile.  Um maybe after they get to know me, and won’t think it’s too strange.

I am still very self-conscious about Coco and her training wheels.  I get a lot of odd looks and snickers and it gets me down.

Work for the sake of work.  It’s a good thing and helps everyone involved.

Now that autumn is approaching, I feel a sense of renewal – I could spin it as some spiritual holdover from my Druid ancestry, but actually I think it’s more due to the feeling I had as a kid when I was starting a new school year.

School – up until junior high – was a place I was safe, never got into trouble, and was “Teacher’s Pet” every year, no matter what teacher.  So, I loved it.

Getting new clothes (dresses, of course – back then we had dress codes, and no one I knew wore jeans even at home), and then going to the school one evening before the start of the school year to see what classroom I was in, and to meet the teacher.

Crisp, clear autumn nights in the Bay Area.  Skipping ahead to my designated classroom in black patent leather Mary Janes (it’s a type of shoe) and a new dress, with bobby socks with frilly lace on the tops (what are now called “anklets”).  Barrettes in my hair.  So excited!

Many, MANY years later, when I had to start over after my divorce, and I went back to college, those old feelings resurfaced.  And college never disappointed me – even as an older student, I had the time of my life.

I know it sounds corny but I just love learning.

So, every time the weather cools in September and October, I feel those old feelings of excitement and “starting over”.

This year, it will hopefully be with a small volunteer gig, a redecorated space, and a new routine.

I had let my illness drag me down, and it might do that again, but right now as I am less sick than I have been for awhile, I am taking advantage of it.  I am stuck here in Hollidaysburg, so I may as well make the best of it until I can find my proper path.

My living space has always had to accomodate other people.  Now, it doesn’t – and it’s never, EVER going to, again.  What I mean by this is, simply, NO SHARING.

I am not dating, I don’t plan on dating, and even if I do date again, no one is sharing my living space ever again.  This is MY space.  Period.

And so, since I want to use all battery-operated candles for lighting at night, and fairy lights around the top of my canopy bed, that’s what I am doing.  There will be none of this “but I can’t seeeeee” whining, no “let’s hang MY posters here”, and definitely no complaining about incense.

I have cleared out an extra room off my bedroom that was being used for storage, and will use that as a space for an as-yet-unbought altar.  Without anyone arguing with me, disguising a fear of paganism as anger, or making fun of me.

You see, I kept seeing my apartment as a layover place until I started my life again.  My younger son lived here with me for awhile, and that kept things on the generic side, in terms of decorating.  It’s not that he would have objected, it’s just that I decorate differently when other people share my living space.

When I was married, I had to consider my husband’s wishes when decorating.  Then I had one (yes, just one) brief, live-in boyfriend who completely redecorated the space in my apartment when he moved in with all his stuff.  Finally, the last place I escaped from lived in was someone else’s house, and he controlled everything and everyone in that space.

I have lived alone before, yes.  And, in general, I have to say I like it pretty well.  For one thing, when I live alone, there’s essentially no possibility that I will be attacked or hurt in any way.

Especially not in Hollidaysburg, where there are fewer than 5000 people, and where you can leave your door unlocked and not worry (though I think everyone locks theirs anyway).

And since my mind was always in the “I have to get out of PA” mode, I didn’t put a lot of thought into making my apartment a comfortable, eclectic space for me to relax in.  And, considering how much time I actually spend at home (nearly all my time), that made for a somewhat depressing living space.

I have been gathering up this and that from here and there, and using these things to decorate as I go along and toss things/pack things I don’t need.  I should have it all done by next week, and then I can see what other components I need (like a trunk for a coffee table, for example).

And……I bought a TV antenna, which is coming tomorrow!  I want a comfortable space in which to watch my 3 stations I am hoping to pick up.  Along with Netflix.

So…goals for this autumn: clean, organize, decorate, create a ritual space, volunteer, continue the exercise routine.

You’ll notice that nowhere on that list is “meet new people”.

Much as Boy Wonder wants me to make that a goal, I am still extremely wary of others, particularly male others, and I am loathe to engage with any of the small-town matrons who populate this tiny town.

Because I know they won’t like me, I won’t fit in, they’ll talk about me behind my back, and eventually someone will end up in tears (most likely me).  That’s just how it is here.

I told BW I would maybe, MAYBE join a mystery book club at the library.  We’ll see.  I won’t lie, I do get lonely.  It would be nice to have a few more friends here (not that I don’t appreciate Nancy, I do – she’s a terrific friend).

I joined a Facebook page that purports to be about a group of neo-Pagans in Altoona who get together or something, not really sure.  Last post I read was about some other group of people my age and a bit younger who live communally in rural Pennsylvania (who knew?).

The commune people are technically “a church”, own the land on which they live, and seem like they do a lot of interesting things (though I was a bit downhearted to see the picture of the “Wiccan ceremony” that appeared to be led by a male person).

It would be nice to be around other neo-Pagans, for sure.  But I won’t hold my breath.  They can be just as “clique-y” as anyone else.

I am much more excited about doing solitary spellwork again. And about upcoming Samhain.

Next week, I think I will write about Wicca, women, and power.  I have a few thoughts on that.

Oh and, incidentally, the only activity lately was perhaps an editorial comment: I turned on the monitor to watch CBS (the only station I can get with rabbit ears), and left the room to get coffee while “The Price is Right” was on.

Suddenly, it’s quiet.  I pop my head out the kitchen entryway, and the monitor is shut off.  The remote control, which was on the sofa, is now all the way across the room and sitting next to the monitor on the repurposed desk.

I don’t think my cats did that.  And one of them could be seen staring “at attention” at “nothing” at that end of the room.

Today’s weirdness comes from CNN, of all places, about the “Blood Moon” due to appear on September 27.   Apparently some Christians believe this means the end of the world is coming. This idea is based on a few sentences in the Bible – Joel 2:30-31 and Revelation 6:12.

You can look them up if you want, I can’t be bothered.  And they think pagans are silly!

Recommendations?    Hmm.  Aside from the new Pumpkin Spice Latte M&Ms and Pecan Pie M&Ms, I got nothing.  But…aren’t those enough?  Yummy!!!

Be good.  Be kind.   Think apple cider, hayrides, pumpkins, and Halloween.

Got Them Tarot Card Blues…

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I’ve taken up tarot again.

Some of you who’ve known me since high school, probably recall I read tarot back then, too.  As a child, I was given a deck by a reader when I was in NYC to see my dad on a taping of “To Tell the Truth”. The other contestant was a tarot card reader, and he gave me a deck because he said I would someday be able to read them.

I have written the website in hopes they can tell me the date, or maybe even provide a link.

Aside #1: “To Tell the Truth” was a game show with a celebrity panel, where 3 people stood on stage and said, “My name is _______”, all giving the same name.  The panel had to guess which one was telling the truth.  So I got to watch in the studio audience as my dad said, “My name is Wesley Pomeroy”, and so did 2 other guys.  No one guessed he was the one telling the truth, and at the end Kitty Carlisle said it was because she didn’t think his moustache was real – so he pulled on it, and everyone laughed.  What a fond memory that was, I was so proud of my father.

So, anyway, I have been studying tarot pretty much ever since then, with a brief hiatus when I lost my faith in pretty much everything (the domestic violence situation).

I found a couple of decks as I was going through my things, as I am still doing in an attempt to rid myself of anything I don’t absolutely need.   Some things will be packed away for others to have.

At any rate, I picked up a tarot deck, laid out a spread and looked, trying to see where I need to go from here.

Lots of pentacles (that’s good, usually means money and/or knowledge), the Heirophant (High Priest, some say), and an admonition that I am “stuck” but not to move just for moving’s sake.

I didn’t think it was specific enough, so I picked up another deck and laid those out.

I got the same cards.  The exact same cards.

I have never had that happen before so all I can think of is that I need to really look at, and ponder upon, what messages are in that spread. Because I would think that, if you get the exact same reading from two different decks, there is definitely an important message being sent.

I was pondering all this when I was surfing the net, and looking at various other tarot decks (there are zillions of them, and I do like collecting them), when I ran across a site that said:

“Free tarot readings!”

Naturally, I looked.  It is a site that will have a “student of tarot” read for you, and then you give them feedback on the reading as sort of a way to help them become better readers.  Well, ok, I’ll give that a shot.

I’ve never found one person who could read my tarot accurately.  No one.  Ever.

A week later, I got an email with my reading.  It was a “story” about an animal in the woods, and the interpretation was that I was already on my chosen path, and I should take classes in tarot from this place (“financing available!”).

My question had been, “What direction do I take and how will I find the finances for it?”

Needless to say, I thanked the person for the reading but pointed out that it meant nothing to me, that it was just a sales pitch for classes there.  And, at my age and experience with the tarot, and my economic situation being what it is, that it was inappropriate to suggest that to me.

I also told him that nothing I ever include when I read for others was present in his reading for me – suggested path, possible obstacles, people who may cross my path, and so on.

Heck, the Heirophant didn’t even show up.  Or the equivalent of that card in the deck the reader used (Wildwood Forest deck).  (The link here is for the deck, and it is not at all connected to this reader I had or the “free tarot” site)

Sigh.  I don’t know why it’s so hard to find someone – anyone – who can read tarot for me.

Aside #2: The quick answer would be, “Because no one can read tarot.”  Except…I can read tarot.  I have been doing it for years.  But I am not the only person in the world who can read tarot cards.

You may wonder why I would want that, if I can read for myself.  Well, it’s because I might not interpret what I see correctly.  Or I might not want to believe what I see (that’s happened more times than I care to admit).  In this particular case, I’m just not sure what it means.

On the face of it, it seems to be telling me I am going to school again, or I need to go back to school again, which is all well and good…but I sort of was leaning that way already.  Go back to school to study…what, exactly?  For a career in…what?

I have just as many, or more, questions now than before I read my cards.

No way am I taking out student loans.  So that somewhat limits how I go to grad school.  I would have to work for a professor to pay for my education, which is fine with me.  I did that already, to get my master’s degree.

But clinical programs don’t usually have that kind of gig.  So that rules out “PhD in clinical psychology.”

Which then, in turn, rules out “get licensed and go into private practice.”

I would be lying if I said that didn’t interest me, if for no other reasons than I would be my own boss, and also that it’s usually pretty lucrative – I am really tired of being poor and, at my age, I need to get my financial shit together.  I feel it’s nearly too late already.

But even more basic questions swirl around my mind…

What am I good at?  What career would allow me to make a decent amount of money so my future won’t be so bleak and uncertain?

Because, at the moment, the future is looking pretty dismal and hopeless to me.

Something I routinely used to do for clients (therapy clients, not tarot clients) – suggest what they might be good at, based on how well I know them, and point them in the direction of the path they need to take to get there – is something I cannot seem to do for myself.

I don’t think I am at all unique.  So where do I find someone like me, to advise me?

Even Boy Wonder seems to be at a bit of a loss, as per our last conversation where he pointed out the difficulties of returning to work as a mental health therapist.  But offered no alternatives.  And he’s been seeing me for more than a year.

It’s hard to not feel blue and discouraged.  And so I am feeling…extremely blue, very discouraged, and cannot see the sun for all the clouds in my sky.

I don’t have any weirdness to post, but I do have a kitten video:

Because…cuteness!

Recommendations?  Well, this is also kitten-related:

Exploding Kittens Card Game – the website states it’s for people “who are into kittens and explosions and laser beams and sometimes goats.”  It’s not a gross game, and it looks like fun. It just went on sale yesterday, on Amazon.

Be good.  Be kind.  Hug a kitten, or a puppy, or some other cuddly being (um like your significant other, if you’re so lucky as to have one).

 

 

 

Who Ya Gonna Call? Um…

5 Replies

Crash!!

6 AM.  The cats are already off the bed and running towards the kitchen.  I stumble out of bed and follow them.  Chimes are heard from my mobile phone (text message).

All 3 of us stand at the kitchen doorway and look.  Nothing.

Nothing is on the floor, nothing has fallen out of a cupboard, everything is as I left it last night.

The cats want treats, I guess for being brave kitties and leading the way.

I look in the bathroom, just to make sure we aren’t misidentifying where the noise came from. Nothing amiss.

Storage room next to kitchen?  Nothing there, just flattened-out boxes (being smart, saving those for the next move), a computer desk, and a cot.  Nothing has fallen in there, either.

I go back to the bedroom and pick up the phone.  It’s a text message from Nancy:

“Everything ok up there?  I heard a crash!”

Ok, we can rule out the kitties and me hearing things, because Nancy heard it too.

“Dunno what it was.  Maybe the ghost,” I text back.

“Thanks for waking us up,” I say out loud, to no one in particular.  The cats have already gone back to sleep on the bed, having done their good deed for the day.

Later that day, I decided to go online and see if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can find out what this thing wants and why it keeps making noises.  I don’t even know what the explanation is for crashes and bangs that don’t seem to be connected to any physical thing, it just doesn’t seem possible but there you are – it’s happening in my apartment.

But, really, who online would be able to help?  On one hand, you have fake mediums and people who claim to be able to sort this kind of thing out but…I don’t like them, in general.  I find them to be not at all credible, usually because they are selling something or they just don’t seem to be telling the truth.

I have never met a medium, online or off, who wasn’t a complete fraud.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think mediums exist – I suspect they do.  I just don’t happen to think that the “real” ones are on TV or on paid internet sites.  Oh, maybe one or two started out that way, but then the pressure to “always see” gets to them and they start making shit up.

Activity isn’t ongoing, as most of you know from reading this blog.  And if I say, “Throw everything off the dresser,” nothing happens.  Things happen when they happen, and no amount of cajoling from me seems to have any effect.  So I find it completely unbelievable that “spirit” (as mediums love to say, ala Long Island Medium) would just manifest and talk when asked to.

On the other hand, you have people who don’t think there is any possibility of this being something unseen that is trying to communicate.  Their explanation would be that I am either lying (and so is Nancy), or this is a “folie a deux” – “madness shared by two”.   Or that there are completely normal explanations for this that I am not considering (mice? earthquakes? fracking? who knows?)  At any rate, I won’t get much help there.

Aside #1: I have a friend who already, thankfully, debunked the flushing toilet experience as a small part that needs replaced.  So, no, I am not ruling out normal explanations.

So I decided to post on a Reddit paranormal forum.  Since Reddit has now been purged of most of its ugly, nasty, hateful trolls, I thought well maybe someone else has this issue and can provide some feedback.

I posted on a few other sites, too.

I wrote a concise post about the activity, and mentioned that this happens in a lot of places I live.  But that I don’t think it’s something following me, and I definitely don’t think it’s classic poltergeist “I-am-angry-so-my-energy-is-going-to-knock-shit-off-shelves” activity (i.e., I do not believe I am the cause of the activity).  I ended the post by stating I wasn’t wanting rid of it, I just wanted to find out why it’s acting like this.

I got one nice response on Reddit, a long one by someone who has similar activity.  It quieted down when he started including “it” in his morning cup of coffee ritual.  I might try that, actually.  He just talks to it like it’s a visitor in his home, and while he doesn’t know what it wants, it seems to be quieter when he acknowledges it.

His idea is that whoever it is, is just lonely.  I can relate to that.

I liked that guy.  He was nice.  I thanked him and told him I would try the coffee routine.

The rest of the responses were from mediums.  Angry, hostile mediums.

Each and every one of them told me “it” wasn’t trying to communicate.  That it was a risidual haunt that occurred whether I was there or not (in every place I’ve lived since age 4?  Really?).

Aside #2: My dad threw out a Ouija board one night – I think I was 6 – convinced it was the source of some very weird lights in the house.  I don’t know about that but I still saw the indigenous ghosts and the ghost of an old woman, Ouija board or not.

Those were not the hostile posts.  None of them were hostile at first.  They all said the apartment “needed clearing” (uh yeah, for a fee, right?) or that I should ignore it.  It was when I replied to them that it got hostile, when I stated that I know how to get rid of “things” but that wasn’t what I was asking.

One wrote a diatribe about how a “6th century superstition” (she meant Wicca) was useless in dealing with spirits and that only small children or fools believe in magic.  Oh and that salt and sage are just things for cooking.

This, from someone who has a “team of investigators” who use sciency kinda stuff like EMF detectors, and not-so-sciency stuff like her own medium spirit-talking ways.

So, essentially we have a fraud and a pseudoscientist arguing with a witch that the witch’s belief system is “unscientific”.  The humor was not lost on me.  In fact, I think I “lol-ed” a few times.

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